(via icanread)
my life is a mess lately, but not in a way where i feel like my world is ending. just in a way, where i feel like i’m becoming more aware of the mess i’ve created myself, and soaking up the opportunity to do something to fix my life. the only word that can fully sum up the events of my weekend is: boys. tons of them. different interactions with them. and coming from the tall, fat, acne covered, glasses wearing, frizzy haired braceface i used to be to this is weird and new. i broke up with justin on saturday night, but also got back together with him later that night. this was because his response what i expected of him, it was a side of him i’ve never seen before. he was telling me how we appreciated me and how he was actually so sorry and how he wanted me back and how he was lost. it might’ve just been him saying what he thought i wanted to hear, but i don’t think so. because this was actually the first time i’ve had the balls to ever send a message say “we’re over” (even though missy technically typed it and sent it on my phone for me). i think he realized that he was not treating me right and that i mean business. and when he called me later, i took the time to tell him everything i’d been holding back from saying because i was finally in a place where i felt strong enough to leave him if it came down to it. at first when i took him back, i felt weak. i thought maybe i was just pathetic. but i realized that’s just who i am, even though shit has knocked me down so much, i’m that person out there who gives people a chance to show change. sometimes it might take me a while, and people will probably take advantage of it because it’s so easy to do so, but if people were never given second chances to prove themselves, and venues to change, we would all be alone. this is because everyone fucks up so bad with something. maybe even a couple of times, maybe even for years, but being humans, we are all capable of change. i’m finally changing too. i know i deserve to be loved the right way, to feel good, and to enjoy what’s turning out to be the best year of my life. i’ve had so many great experiences thus far and we’re only two months in. i have the best friends, some of whom i’ve previously treated like shit, but who (thanks to chances) i’ve come to appreciate so much and not take for granted.
