repair this broken heart
i’m a litte depressed. i’m just genuinely sad. i know there’s reason this time, but i don’t like thinking about it. it makes me nauseaous. justin and i are in a weird place. we are no longer ‘in a relationship’ but we are still together, and he’s taking me on a date next week where he intends to ask me to be his girlfriend (again). he feels like we moved to fast on things, and i agree, i just see this roundabout things as stupid because i care about him. and he cares about me. i’m afraid everything is not going to go as its supposed to and we are going to part, and i’m not ready for that. he clearly isn’t either because he began crying as we were talking, even though he was the one making all these decisions about our ‘break’ which isn’t a real break, just a break from the title of being official. i’m very scared of losing him, which is pathetic. he kissed me goodbye last night, and then we talked for hours like we usually do until i fell asleep. i’m not in love, i’m not falling in love, but i am falling attatched and i’m pretty sure he is too. there’s so much i want to do with him, so much i want to experience with him. i’m happy he can be honest with me, and that he wants to make things work, but i wasn’t quite aware that things were bad. i don’t even really know what the issue is, something with himself though. most likely his fear of getting attatched getting in the way of us. he knows i’ll stick around though, he knows how much i truly care about him. on our date i will look very pretty. i will play hard to get. i don’t really know, i’m pulling this out of my ass. i just want everything to be okay. i just want us to be okay.
